Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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