do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
