you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
