I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
