Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
