Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
