you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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