Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
