I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
