it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
