Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
