READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
