I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
