So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
