I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
