i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
