that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
