yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
