I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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