what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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