i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
