Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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