sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
