VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
