like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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