We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
