Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
