Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
