my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
