the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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