just come out here and I will go home with you...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
