I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
