if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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