Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
