wat bout pragnant strippers??
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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