i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
