I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
