I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
