Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
