First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
