i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Shame - the story of my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
