ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
