I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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