I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
