I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
