so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
