the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
