just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
