What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
