Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
