ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
