and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
