she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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