your room smells of hookers.
And success
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize