Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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