Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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