I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
