the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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