Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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