i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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