Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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