I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
