Define "chronic" masturbator.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
