After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
