..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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