3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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