im so drunk with asians
where?
always
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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