I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
