I cannot find my penis.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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