I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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