As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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