I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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