R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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