Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
