I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
