I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
