this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
