Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
