White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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