I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
two words: eviction party
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
