I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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