Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
