if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
