I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
