there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
