Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How does one acquire holy water?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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