I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
be right there i have to get my cape
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
