I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
