So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We don't watch enough power rangers
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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