call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
