I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
