buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
