your parents love me but you hate me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
