somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
