in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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