Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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