Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
