i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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